Hockey Fighting Thoughts

It was a tough job, dealing with the pressure, worrying about getting beat up in front of thousands of people, your friends and family, & representing my people. I started to smoke weed to deal with the pressure, and the pain. Now there is no doubt in my mind the carcinogens from the THC will have effects on my health in the future. I am thankful I never began to abuse prescription pain pills with alcohol, and use steriods to get an edge on my competition. I been in over 300 hockey fights, took more than ten thousand punches to the head over the course of sparring, boxing, in my ten plus years of fighting. I take comfort in living a clean lifestyle now, eating a good diet which includes oatmeal, flax seed, and a fish oil pill every morning. Also the fact that I am stimulating my brain in school,  which is like exercise. Most of all, I take comfort in the teaching that sage keeps the brain young. I smudge with it often.
I read that a hockey player was dismissed of assault charges from a fight at a bar because of his previous concussion history. It was a hard thing to deal with the fact that the hockey/ fighting career comes to an end. I had dreams unfulfilled, and it left me angry to not reach them in my first couple years of being back from playing. I tried chasing past glory and go out with a bang in Ice Warriors in Finland, I felt fine when I got there, ready to rumble, until I saw the draw. I had to go through the two favorites to get to the final. Sean McMorrow and Derek Parker. I had a mental breakdown before the tourny started, beatdown with self-doubt. I later came to rationalize, in talking to another fighter, that it wasn't a weakness that that happened. It was my bodies way of protecting itself, a strength. A way of telling me I had enough.
I feel like I got out of fighting early, I look on a website and see the number of fights others who are still competing are putting up, and its numbers that make me think. Joel Theriault, 300, Mike Brault, 500, Jacques Dube, 400. Did I get out too early and will regret not pursueing my dream later in life. Or will I see friends and others I have fought suffering the effects later in life, hear tradgic stories about early deaths, brain damage, and so on.